Category: Let's talk
Right! Now then folks, we've had topic after topic after bleedin' topic about how wonderful everyone is, culminating in the ludicrous 'which zoner would you want to meet?' discussion, which sprawls ingraciously across 182 posts of prose, some flowing, some not, but all self-indulgent (Apart from when it strayed off topic in the middle, and then again at the end, to produce pearls of sheer literary brilliance). Contrast that, if you will, with the outrage that so often bedevils the public forum during the furious exchanges that often characterise our fabled quicknotery.
What I am building up to, dear reader - and indeed those not so dear and not at all dear - is this: scottish Alan was reeling off a list earlier of people whom he would like to see banned were he a community leader. However, his argument lacked coherency and he was criticised for not advancing a coherent list, still less a coherent rationale. A lawyer's job is to do this for a layman, and as a result, please find below my take on scottish Alan's list. I hope, moreover, that this will be the catalyst for others to feel free to moan about whichever zoner they choose. Remember: the object of this topic is not praise! If you want to praise each other then please go and ramble away on the 'let's all be lovely, however nauseating' board. For now, however, here is Scottish alan's list of people whom he believes are the zone's equivalent to impostors and nuisances.
With apologies to Messrs Gilbert and Sullivan:
as some day it may happen that a cL must be found,
he's got a little list, he's got a little list,
of the zone's frequent offenders who are often popping round,
they never would be missed, they never would be missed,
there's the cerebral assassin whom he'd really take to task,
and also that chap, what's his name, the roman battle mask,
And Lawlord and his arguments he flaws him with them flat,
Or blackbird who's done nothing wrong, but simply is a pratt,
and all who disagree with him they drive him round the twist,
that's why they're on the list, on scottish Alan's list.
He's got 'em on the list, he's got 'em on the list, and they'll none of them be missed, they'll none of them be missed.
There's that Julia, her chronies, her laments about her life,
The eternal pesimist, he's got her on the list,
And I have to mention Kev again, he causes so much strife
and he never would be missed, he never would be missed,
and that idiot who praises with enthusiastic tone,
All websites except this whilst spending hours on the zone,
and the lady from the USA who's desperate for a guy,
and the fool who after logging in proclaims that she is high,
nNYou just shouldn't pick a fight with me or I shall slap your wrist,
then add you to the list, to scottish Alan's list.
He'll add you to the list, he'll add you to the list, and you'll surely not be missed, you'll surely not be missed.
There's the fool whose failed relationships are more than we can count,
She never would be missed, she never would be missed,
And the pratts who play for points all day to get a large amount,
They never would be missed, they never would be missed,
and illiterate wastes of space who find it difficult to write,
Saying 'Fucken this...umm, fucken' that....loll, Ok, yeah right,
and what? and where? and type /help, and also, so, what's new'
The tasks of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you,
but it really doesn't matter whom he puts upon the list,
they'll none of 'em be missed, they'll none of 'em be missed.
You may put 'em on the list, on the Scottish Alan's list, and they'll none of them be missed, they'll none of them be missed.
mark, it is absolutely brilliant!
And one can't forget the leaders who are on a power craze,
And whose views are prejudiced, He's got them on the list,Spending all their time upsetting folk, that's how they spend their days,
They never would be missed, they never would be missed,
And apart from that they try to sell us mediocre games,
whilst proclaiming what a joy it is to change our usernames,
and you'll never guess: the randomiser, isn't that a laugh,
If they really find that funny it's a wonder they're called staff,
If it wasn't for zone icon they'd have no cause to exist,
so add them to the list, to scottish Alan's list.
We'll add them to the list, to scottish Alan's list and they'll none of them be missed, they'll none of them be missed.
hahahahahahahahahaha it is utterly brilliant, once more.
lmfao
Mark, thank you for this, it's a work of genius. and I'm honoured to be mentioned twice. Glad I'm the only one who warrants such duplication.
seeing how a couple of people posted while I was, so hadn't read before I did so, why isit that when something is posted for decent comment and discussion people still need to post something that says nothing, and so adds nothing.
I love it! Except now I've got that damn Gilbert and Sullivan song stuck in my head.
Wow! This is very amusing! Congratulations! It made me laugh out loud. Bravo!
*laughs* I agree, that was a funny and neat poem.
man that was clever Mark! .. am not familiar with the work of Gilbert and Sullivan, but still, very creative! hahaha :)
nor me, i'm not familiar with them either, but very very good, you've still got your wits about you mark, i remember it well from worcester.
lmfao, dam, that is just great, thanks for the belly laugh
What is the original song by Gilbert and Sullivan called?
brilliant!
must be a Brittish thing. creative I'll agree. other than that...
come on, admit it, it's the best topic on here in ages.
Excellent Mark! I loved it. Like Allie though I can't place the original song. Can you put us out ofour misery here please?
And yes, maybe it is a british thing, but british humour is the best!
british thing? Hogwash absolute hogwash! This type of humour transcends geopolitical and geographical divides, uniting nations in a collective display of ridicule directed at certain aspects of this website, if not the said website per se. So let's have no more of this halfwitted claptrap about it being a british thing eh? It's particularly disingenuous when it comes from the British themselves. For example, see the post directly above mine by the artist formerly known as Galadrial. When she says it's a british thing, it's quite blaiden' obvious that she doesn't mean it, but is only extending some sort of olive branch to discontented transatlantic lost souls who deserve nought but contempt. Perhaps she feels honour bounden to do so by virtue of her position as community leader, but no such ties are placed on me, nor would they be were I a community leader as I wouldn't take any bleedin' notice of them. I can, in short, tell it like it is: those who do not understand the humour behind this basic piece of poetic satire cannot shelter behind some misconceived notion of cross-border encryption that renders such literature immune to the American mind. Nay, they should be up front and honest and say that they just don't bloody understand what all the fuss is about. At least, then, we can ridicule them on the right basis.
I should also add that I am well aware that the above writer said that it was perhaps a British thing, or probably a british thing, but to me the difference between an olive branch and a probable olive branch is not significant. Indeed, the very fact that she qualified the assertion with probablies and perhapses is an illustration of the point I was making hitherto viz. that it was not meant. And quite right! The idea that someone can shelter behind the cross-border encryption thesis to dismiss ideas that are foreign to their hitherto acquired education, experience or cultural make-up is shocking, all the more so when the ideas that are consigned to the reject bin are british ones.
I daresay that the above two contributions will now be subject to admonition on account of their complex grammar structures. Rest assured that from what I have observed, being able to write properly is also a "british thing".
And while we're building up the momentum of this topic, and seeing as how i cannot be bothered to write yet another verse, why is it that there now crops up the issue of how to write the date properly? Why, moreover, apart from very very few people do the general zone membership not know the correct literary way to write the date? Why, moreover, do those who are the most egregious offenders insist that, notwithstanding having been put right on numerous occasions and in defiance of great novellists, academics and publications, they are nonetheless right? It truly is a sad malaise.
*I daresay that the above two contributions will now be subject to admonition on account of their complex grammar structures.*
You are wrong on both counts. The colon is no substitute for the exclamation mark. The semi-colon would only have been necessary had I wished to emphasise the 'absolute hogwash!' over the 'hogwash'. Insofar as I wished to do so, that purpose was served by the exclamation mark at the end of the clause. A semi-colon was, therefore, by definition rendered obselete.
AS to your reference to the colon I should add by way of caveat that I am not sure which sentence you seek to impeach, as precision is not a strong point of your contribution.
More I say, more!
mark,
i'm afraid you've skewed my points. No matter...I agree with sharie. keep the verses coming!
LL, it's fabulous
well done...
that'll have to do for the moment lads and lasses as I'm not being paid enough.
you should be a poetic writer mark
No no. Poets earn less than legal aid barristers.
they may earn more after the new reforms eh?
This is great. I really appriciate your take on it. I tried to figure out the ones that you didn't name outright. But, I could not. I am starting to ramble so must say good-bye and hope that you all have a fabulous day.
Bleedin' sod-fathers those legal aid reform folk. Lord falconer, the Lord chancellor, and Vera baird QC, the minister for constitutional affairs, can go hang themselves if they think that by reforming the legal aid system in the way they propose is going to do a jot of good! Stupid bloody stubborn fools! They've been told, told and told again by barristers and solicitors alike that the reforms won't bleedin' work! they've been told that to reduce us to the stage where we won't have two shillings to rub together will simply mean that we won't be able to do publicly funded work! Wil they listen? Will they hell! I tell you this: if these reforms are indeed implemented lawyers will go on strike, and the whole system will be brought to a standstill. that will precipitate a state of emergency as criminals will not be able to be put through due process, and children will not be removed from dangerous situations because lawyers will be unable to act for local authorities and courts will not sit. Then, perhaps the ministers will be sorry, or perhaps the moral bankruptcy that bedevils the New Labour establishment has spread as far as the most ancient office of Lord High chancellor, and they won't feel sorry at all. After all, when New labour personnel are arrested for selling honours, they'll be able to afford to pay their own lawyers, so it doesn't affect them. Blair's only legacy will be this moral bankruptcy, founded as it is on an 'I'm all right, Jack' mentality.
Finally, an elequent, yet whitty post.
Lawlord, brilliant refference to the bofh theme song!
Beautiful, and what I found odd, was most of the people that u mentioned, were on cody's vote for me as a CL topic.
yes, he's back! we missed ya LL :)
Well done Mark, was brilliant!
Um....Wow? Only on the zone! .....lmaooo!
you said it...rofl
Goodness me how impressive! Are people still reading this? The recession must really have taken hold of some of you. This topic was created getting on for three years ago and I discover some contributions thereto in or around December 2008. This is truly an honour, ladies and gentlemen, and I am grateful for the attention this matter has clearly excited. Now, don't forget to vote Conservative on 4th June in the European and County council Elections.
LOL. This topic was great. Kept me amused for a while!
it is a monument to the creative mind. It is the Susan boyle of the Boards. It is Sir alan sugar's apprentice.
talking of Susan Boyle, she didn't pull it off after all. Thank the lord for that. I was just about fed up of her dreaming her dream in times gone by every bleedin' time I saw her. The one time she sang something different she was not as good, nay, not nearly as good. In fact, she was bleedin' terrible. A one-trick pony is what she is. She could not, for example, possibly carry off the Gilbert and Sullivan number that forms the basis for this topic. No way, my son. Nor, do I suggest, could she carry off any other numbers they wrote, such as that one about the rich attorney. 'The rich attorney was good as his word, the briefs they came in daily!' etc. fine musical that is. Anyway that series where the rather nice lass goes all over the world trying to chart the earliest years of humans is on now so until then...
No no wait wait wait I misquoted that. 'the rich attorney was good as his word, the briefs they trooped in gaily, and every day my voice was heard at the sessions of ancient bailey'...now some of you won't of course know what Ancient Bailey is. well, it is the Central criminal Court colloquially known as the Old Bailey, and it's where the most serious offenders are tried. However, at the time that Gilbert and Sullivan were writing viz. in or around 1870 et seq. (Trial By Jury was first performed in 1875), the Bailey's main role was as the court for the assizes for the county of middlesex and city of London. So 'The whole proceedings on the Queen's Commission of the Peace, of oyer and terminer, and gaol delivery of Newgate for the City of London and County of Middlesex, Holden in justice Hall on the 25th day of March 1844 in this the third year of the mayoralty of the Rt Hon. Sir John Carrington, KNT, one of Her Majesty's justices of oyer and terminer' etc. it's jolly interesting really, very interesting indeed. In the 1860s the Bailey began to receive proceedings transferred to it from other counties and parts of the country pursuant to the Winter assizes Act. This is because the assizes in London and Middlesex were of course more frequent than they were in, say, cornwall or dorset. Anyway that's what it's all about and that's why gilbert and Sullivan refer to the sessions of ancient Bailey. just to recapt:--
The Rich attorney was good as his word, the briefs they trooped in gaily! and every day my voice was heard in the sessions of ancient bailey'....then it goes on about orations, 'and many a burglar I've restored to his friends and close relations.'
God, her singing makes me ill. Gag me, please ...
I don't do cry-me-a-river inspiration tales either. It's all fiction, and the reality is infinitely far more complex. People didn't so much like her I think as they liked the IDEA of her, what it was supposed to mean. Then again I don't watch American Idle (Yes I deliberately misspelled that!) much, unless the girls have it on and I happen to be in the room
It would appear that you deliberately misspelt misspelt as well. She'll probably end up standing for parliament that Susan Boyle. Probably her ambition to be the next Michael Martin. 'Order! Let the Prime Minister Answer! Order! don't tell him what to say!' bleedin' joker that chap. He is of course resigning his parliamentary seat on 21st June. Does anyone know the rest of that song about the rich attorney? better still, has anyone ever performed it?
and many a burglar I've restored to his friends and close relations...and many a burglar he's restored to his friends and close relations.
Now then, I am posting to this topic for two purposes: first of all, it is about banning zoners and is much better put together than the nonsense we have had to endure over recent days, so it continues the in vogue topic of conversation with much more style and panache than formerrly prevailed. Secondly, but no less importantly, it is another opportunity to mention Series 5 of Judge John Deed and the episodes that have been lost.